


Punchlines

by conceptofzero



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-14
Updated: 2012-08-14
Packaged: 2017-11-12 02:33:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/485714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conceptofzero/pseuds/conceptofzero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Die knows they’re the butt of a lot of jokes. They’re all easy targets on their own, and together, they’re a punchline that Itchy makes gratuitous use of. But all of Die’s life, he’s been somebody’s punchline, and while Eggs knows they’re being mean, enough of it still flies over his head that it doesn’t hurt him too badly, and Clover gives as good as she gets (maybe better, after all she’s been working this gig for a long time and before this luck thing worked out for her, she still had to deal with them).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Punchlines

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Disgustiphage on the occasion of their birthday!

Die knows they’re the butt of a lot of jokes. They’re all easy targets on their own, and together, they’re a punchline that Itchy makes gratuitous use of. But all of Die’s life, he’s been somebody’s punchline, and while Eggs knows they’re being mean, enough of it still flies over his head that it doesn’t hurt him too badly, and Clover gives as good as she gets (maybe better, after all she’s been working this gig for a long time and before this luck thing worked out for her, she still had to deal with them).

He’s found a surefire way to deal with them. Every time Itchy makes some shitty comment, every time Fin tells everybody where Die’s been and who he’s been with, every time he finds a rude note pinned to his door, he just reminds himself that he’s currently having more sex than anybody in this whole mansion. And as silly as that seems, it really does make him feel better. Even Itchy, who’ll fuck anything that doesn’t turn him down, doesn’t have laid as regularly as Die does.

It’s been one of those rougher days. Die’s jacket and shirt are soaking because a certain yellow blur thought it would be funny to start a food fight during dinner, but only with one person. Luckily, the soup wasn’t too hot, but he has to change and rinse his clothes out before a stain sets in, because then Stitch will be angry and Die doesn’t want to deal with that. Eggs and Clover each glance over at him as he walks out, but they know better than to speak up and risk Itchy dumping soup on them too.

He washes his things in the upstairs bathroom beside his room and drops his clothes in the laundry chute before finally heading into his room. Die’s dour mood clears the moment he sees who’s there, and what they’re doing. He quickly closes the door before anyone else gets a chance to peek in and see what he’s seeing.

“There you are!” Clover greets Die, her voice even higher than usual. She’s straddling Egg’s erection, rubbing her cunt along the base of it. Eggs has one thick finger pressed against the top of her vagina, rubbing her clit while Clover’s hips rock down. They’re both flushed, but Clover’s flushed in a way that tells Die she’s about to come. “We’ve been waiting for you.”

“Sorry I’m late.” He locks the door behind him, just taking a moment to appreciate what’s in front of him. This is why he loves Eggs and Clover so much; when he’s down, they’ll do so much to cheer him up. And that includes putting on a show just for him.

“You’re here now. C’mon Die, we got plenty of room for you.” Eggs grins at Die, and he can’t help but return the smile, looking at that vast, green naked flesh just waiting for him to touch and be touched. Die ditches his pants and climbs up on the bed. He doesn’t know where to start, until Clover squeaks softly, and then he knows exactly what he wants.

“Can I?” He asks them both, his fingers settling on Clover’s cunt and pushing in gently. She’s already very wet, his fingers easily sinking into her. Clover moans and falls back on Egg’ stomach, her hips still thrusting forward. Die enjoys the feeling of Clover fucking herself on his fingers and the way she tightens around him. He rocks his hand in time with her hips, and Eggs’ thumb brushes against his fingers as it keeps working on Clover’s clit. She was close when he walked in the door, and together, they coax her into coming for them without much trouble. Die takes it all in as Clover whines and cries out, her cunt clamping tight around his fingers, as if trying to pull them in deeper.

When she’s finished and dazed and panting, he slips his fingers out and puts them into his mouth, tasting Clover. She just laughs, struggling to sit up. “Oooh you like that don’t you? You should come here and see who tastes better, me or Eggies?”

“You taste better.” Eggs helpfully answers, and Die chuckles. The rest of the house thinks he’s stupid, but that’s not right. He’s not stupid, he’s simple and uncomplicated, and he doesn’t hide it when he’s confused or lie to make himself look better. When he speaks, you know he’s telling you exactly what he really thinks.

“You both taste good.” Die tells them as he wraps a hand around Eggs’ cock. He’s hard and leaking precum, and Die swipes his tongue over the head, enjoying the way Eggs groans. Die’s hand strokes Eggs while his mouth slides down the warm dick. He has to hunch his body to suck on Eggs, shoulders raised as his head bobs up and down. Clover is right there, and she leans forward to kiss the side of Die’s cheeks, patting them as his mouth stays full of cock.

“That’s real good.” Eggs’ hand rests on the back of Die’s head. One of his fingers is damp, still wet from stimulating Clover. Die’s eyes flick between Eggs’ face, and Clover’s spread cunt. He’s already hard from just doing this, and nobody’s touched him yet. Clover paps his face a little, until Die pulls off to catch his breath.

“So?” She asks, teasing Die. He just leans in and kisses her, hoping she can taste a little of Eggs in his mouth. Eggs tugs on Die gently, and when he breaks away from Clover, he leans up and gives Eggs a kiss as well. Eggs’ tongue always finds its way inside of Die’s mouth, and while he’s sinking into that, he startles as small hands grab his cock. The heavy hand on the back of his neck keeps him kissing Eggs, even as Clover fits her mouth on his cock with a giggle and Die moans against Eggs.

Clover’s good for somebody so small. Though she can’t go down very far, she does her best with what she can do. She’s paying lavish attention to the head of his cock, and her hands slide along it, stroking Die while her mouth sucks on him. This alone would be good, but with Eggs here, things are even better. As he melts into Eggs’ wet kisses, he notices the way one hand slides down Die’s back, and slowly begins pressing his fingers against Die’s entrance.

“Eggs, they need to be wetter,” Die reminds him, knowing that he’ll really regret it if he doesn’t give Eggs a reminder. He does well, but sometimes he’s just a little too eager for his own good.

“Okay.” Eggs’ hand slips away, and he brings it up to Die’s mouth, pushing the fingers inside. While Clover works on Die, Eggs thrusts his fingers into his mouth, nearly in time with Clover’s giggling bobs. Die sucks on Eggs’ fingers the way he sucked on his dick, and he’s a little sad when they finally pull back out. It doesn’t last, not when those same wet fingers make their way against Die’s ass and begin working their way into him. “Clover’s real good huh?”

“Y-yes.” He’s finding it hard to stay focused with Clover sucking his cock and Eggs’ fingers thrusting inside of him. His face ends up buried against Eggs’ meaty chest, gasping from the combined sensation. “You’re both f-fantastic...”

“Who do you want? Me or Clover?” Eggs’ fingers twist and Die shudders hard. He doesn’t want to decide. Die wants both of them to keep doing this until he comes. Of course, he also wants them to fuck him too, which makes choosing even harder.

“Both, b-both of you-” He tries, but Eggs’ head shakes, fingers steadily working away at him. “Eggs, please-”

“You can only pick one.” Eggs is often frighteningly efficient once he decides to focus on a specific task. Most of the time, this is good news for Die. Right now, between him and Clover, who’s always incredibly lucky, it’s just making Die’s life incredibly hard.

“I-” He breathes deeply as Clover nudges Die’s cock into her throat, and then his choice just rockets out of his mouth. “Clover, Clover! I’m- I’m picking Clover!”

Clover giggles and slides her mouth off of Die just as Eggs pulls his fingers out. He’s flipped onto his back and before he can even really focus on what’s happening, Clover’s kneeling on his thighs, gripping his cock in both hands. “Oh, you want me? You want me to fuck you?”

“I- yes, please, Clover.” He ends up with his back against Eggs’ front, leaning against him as Clover stands up and positions herself over Die. Eggs wraps his hands around Die’s chest, just holding onto him while Clover sinks onto Die’s cock. She’s so tight and he just groans loudly, watching at Clover wiggles and moves carefully to fit him in. “Clover, be careful-”

“Don’t worry about me! I’ve got luck on my side.” Her voice is soft, her cheeks hot and red. He loves how she looks right now, the way she looks when his cock is inside of her. Die reaches forward, one hand stroking over her tiny breasts, the other cupping her ass. Her hands hold onto his wrist and she starts to rock her hips. “And there’s nobody luckier than me right now.”

Die’s head falls back against Eggs’ chest, gasping as Clover clenches around him. Die’s aware that he’s the blessed one in their relationship. Eggs is too large to fuck Clover like this, but Die’s just small enough for Clover, but big enough to handle Eggs. Sometimes he feels greedy, but on days like this, he’s just grateful that neither Clover or Eggs seems to mind.

“Shhh, you’re getting loud.” Eggs warns Die. Clover giggles and tightens on purpose, getting another loud moan out of Die. Die tries to apologize, but the moment his mouth opens again, Eggs simply stuffs part of his hand inside, muffling Die. “Be quiet.”

Die whines around the fingers, hips jerking up into Clover, who gives a shocked little moan of her own. Her knees push into Die’s hips as she starts to push herself up and down, bouncing on his cock. “Ooooh somebody’s being bad. Maybe he needs a good spanking, Eggs.”

“Maybe.” Eggs agrees, fingers still inside of Die’s mouth. Die squirms at the thought, then he just squirms as Clover goes back to rocking. Her cunt feels so good, no matter what she’s doing.

He pants around Eggs fingers, squeezing Clover’s hip and stroking his fingers over her nipples. Clover smiles at him, sinking further down on his cock. He loves the way she looks right now, with her cunt parted for him, his shaft sliding in and out of her. Die mumbles his appreciation for her, sucking lightly on the fingers in his mouth.

“Or maybe he wants something else. Hmm?” Clover glances up at Eggs, nodding to him. The hand slips out of Die’s mouth, grabbing onto his hips with the other. Eggs easily lifts both Die and Clover up, settling Die higher on Eggs’ body. The purpose becomes clear as Eggs takes one hand off and slips it under Die, taking hold if his cock and pressing it against Die’s entrance. “Oh! That was a big one!”

Die goes red, half embarrassed by Clover feeling his every reaction, half excited to get it all. He relaxes as Eggs pushes into him, taking slow deep breaths. He knows exactly how Clover feels whenever Eggs is inside of him. He’s so big it borders on uncomfortable, but it never reaches that point. “More, more please-”

“Okay.” Eggs is all too happy to help Die slide down. His knees dig into Eggs’ thighs and his hands fall away from Clover, grabbing hold of Eggs’ torso. He locks his elbows as he starts to fuck himself down on Eggs. Clover does the same, holding tight to Die as she fucks herself.

It takes some coordination, but they’ve had plenty of practice learning each other’s bodies, and how to work with one another. Die feels phenomenal, his cock tightly encased in Clover, and spread wide over Eggs. He leans back as he thrusts, panting with effort, chasing after the perfect position. Eggs needs to be in a little deeper, and Die does his best to get him there. Clover’s not fairing too badly either, clearly enjoying the little extra bounce. “Oh that’s good! Keep it up boys!”

It’s hard to carry on a conversation when they’re all fighting to keep upright, so they drop the chitchat and get straight to the fucking. Die would be perfectly content to just lay back and let Clover and Eggs do all the work, but that’s not quite fair. And this is fun despite all the sweating and heaving. Clover’s squeezing him tight and he’s clenching around Eggs, already struggling to keep from peaking too quickly.

All hopes of hanging on go out the window as Clover starts vocalizing, hips rocking so fast that their skin snaps at each gyration. Die knows he should stop her and pull out, but he can’t, not when he wants to see her come again more than he wants to stop himself from joining her. His hips shift to help her, and she gives him a struggling smile, her forehead dripping with sweat.

When she comes, she tightens up and he loses traction, moaning right along with her as his cock is squeezed. Her face is beautiful and she’s got a glow to her that he would love to stop and appreciate right now, but he’s busy fighting the urge to come right inside her. Clover falls against his chest, shuddering and moaning, and he carefully tugs her off his cock. The moment the pressure’s gone, Die is too, grunting and coming. Thankfully, she’s free by that point and all he hits are sheets. He falls back against Eggs, who is also caught off guard by Die clenching as he comes.

Eggs gets both hands on Die’s hips, thrusting up into him and muttering to himself. Die tries to help, but mostly he just puts an arm around Clover to keep her still while his body rocks back and forth. It takes a little time, but he finally catches up with them, coming inside of Die with a wet grunt.

After a moment, Die carefully eases off of Eggs, feeling sore and well fucked. He stays on Eggs’ chest for a moment, turning on his side so both him and Clover are lying against him. Clover’s the most recovered, and she leans in close, kissing them both on the lips, and then on the tips of their noses. “Are you having a better day now?”

“M-much better.” Die’s nearly forgotten about what Itchy did, or any of those snide comments the others made. It’s easy to shrug off the bad stuff when he knows he’s got Eggs and Clover waiting for him.

Eggs wraps his arms around the both of them, looking about as content as anybody could be with two people lying against him. “You want us to get Itchy back?”

He knows the answer should be ‘of course not’. But Clover’s got that look in her eye, and since Eggs was kind enough to offers, Die nods. “Yeah. But... in a couple of days. When he’s not expecting it.”

“I’ve got a great idea.” Clover lowers her voice and Die just listens as she spins out a whole plot. They may be the butt of a lot of jokes, but that’s okay, as long as he’s got them to make it better. And maybe to help with a little revenge.


End file.
